…the butterfly may say, this growth was uncomfortable!
Organizations that promote and foster diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) are, according to recent studies, more successful and have higher retention rates. According to McKinsey & Company, leaders in ASCE who “walk the talk” of diversity, equity, inclusion, and justice also financially outperformed competition and have stronger boards. Performance, in general, is enhanced. These companies create safe spaces for their employees to discuss issues.
Conversations surrounding diversity, equity, and inclusion often lay the foundation by emphasizing a safe space. But, when you read the word safe, what do you think? Typically, it means no harm.
However, being safe does not mean being comfortable. In fact, most conversations that pave the way toward building truly inclusive and equitable environments are far from comfortable. Just like the caterpillar growing wings and emerging as a butterfly – it takes time, energy, and support. It may be uncomfortable and even painful to crack through the cocoon protecting it, but eventually, the butterfly emerges stronger than before.
How can we work together to help people have the kinds of conversations that may be uncomfortable while maintaining a safe space?
- Lay ground rules ahead of time, so people know what is expected of them when discussing DEI. These rules can be called Group Agreements. Everyone in the group will be expected to suspend judgment and maintain an open mind.
- Create an atmosphere that promotes trust: Build and maintain a trusting environment. DEI conversations can often become personal, and people need to know that what they say will be kept only within the group and that the group members can feel safe to share honestly. People will not be transparent and share their true feelings if they think they will be shared later with a broader audience.
- Foster Active Listening: Say what? We are all guilty of doing it – someone is talking, and you are thinking about your response, what to eat for dinner, or the email you still need to send out. Be present. It is important to put in a conscious effort to hear the words someone is speaking and the complete message that is being conveyed. Listen to understand by paying careful attention to the person speaking. Instead of allowing distractions in thought or extraneous things going on around you, practice active listening and listening with the intent to understand. It is also easy to fall into the habit of forming counter-arguments in your head or creating a defense to what is being shared. Again, active listening is a skill that needs to be practiced, especially in difficult or uncomfortable conversations.
- Use “I” statements when describing an issue surrounding DEI. Be sure to say how you feel using “I” statements instead of “You did…”. Starting the statement with “I” can reduce defensiveness, whereas starting with “you” may unintentionally place blame on the other person. This also helps the recipient(s) hear what you are saying more openly and willingly. Try it out a few times – it is also a valuable tool to use in non-DEI-related conversations.
- Assume Best Intentions: When you have hard discussions around DEI, sometimes statements can appear to come from a place of bad intent. Avoid this assumption. Set your default to – assume what is being discussed is through the very best intent by the person speaking. So, if someone accidentally says, “You did…,” try not to jump to your defensive position immediately.
- Lean Into Vulnerability: DEI discussions can often make you aware of previously overlooked things and may uncover some sensitivities. If we build up defenses against our vulnerabilities by avoiding or minimizing those feelings, we are not being honest with ourselves. If we expect others to be open with us, we must first be honest and open with ourselves. Lean into the discussions.
These discussions are hard, painful, and sometimes they do not make sense. But they are important and necessary, and they help lay the groundwork for growth. So many people have built their own cocoons as a layer of protection, but it is time to all work together to create an environment where we all feel safe to break free.
Here is a challenge for you: go to https://bit.ly/3w2VrKd and choose ONE element of the guide to implement. Then, please write to me at ccmartsolf@urbanengineers.com and let me know what one you selected to implement! And remember…lean into any vulnerability or discomfort. You will discover the positive change that you may not have imagined.■
