Engineer Yourself First

An engineer I know, let’s call him John, had allowed his professional life to take up all his time, attention and focus for over a decade. Since high school, he felt like he had put his life on hold for his career. One major side effect was his poor physical health.

He had always been active, playing sports throughout his adolescence. He even had big dreams of becoming a professional MMA fighter. Then, during college and for several years afterward, he didn’t make time for his physical health and gained a significant amount of weight. More importantly, he wasn’t happy with the life he was living. The person looking back at him in the mirror wasn’t the person he wanted to be.

This story may sound familiar. Perhaps it’s your story. The good news is that it doesn’t need to keep repeating itself.

In structural engineering, we understand the concept of "strong column, weak beam"—the idea that a column should be stronger than the beam it supports. Strong columns help the structure remain standing, even if weaker beams fail. This concept is also directly applicable to the lives we build. But too often, we focus largely on professional development while neglecting personal growth. This flawed approach mirrors a dangerous structural design, leading to instability and eventual burnout.

We need to reverse that focus and have our personal development be the strong column, with our professional development as one of the beams it supports. Not the other way around.
So, how do we do it? How do we ensure our lives aren’t put on hold while we chase our careers? How do we avoid the trap of losing ourselves? And if we’re already sinking in the quicksand, how do we get out?

Get the most important stuff done first. Or as Richie Norton says in his book Anti-Time Management, “Stop managing your time and start prioritizing your attention.” We need to prioritize our priorities and get the most important stuff done first, or else it usually doesn’t get done.

This might be exercise, meditation, reading, taking your kids to school, or anything else important to you. Everyone has different priorities. And to be clear: Your mornings are always better without distractions like phones, email, and TV. Cut out all distractions and focus on what’s most important. Own the morning. Don’t let it own you.

This is one way to prioritize your attention. Because paying yourself first applies to more than just finances. An hour for you in the morning is a great way to ensure you pay yourself what you’re worth.

Figure out who you want to become, and then you’ll know what to do.

This is no joke. It requires some serious soul-searching. And it requires a tremendous amount of honesty and patience with oneself. This can be difficult because to do so we must first slow down. We are constantly surrounded by the busyness of life: 8 hours at work, commutes, children’s football practice, piano lessons, making dinner, bedtime routines, going to the gym, rinse and repeat. The daily to-do list never ends. And somehow, in between all these activities, we manage to squeeze in a podcast or an audiobook. We listen to our favorite playlist while we run on the treadmill. We even check Instagram while we’re stopped at a traffic light. This frenetic pace has to end.

To figure out who you want to become, you need to slow down.

One of the best ways to do this is to sit down and write. Write about your goals. Write about your passions. Write about what you want your life to look like 3 years from now. Write about the type of person you want to become. Sit down and put pen to paper. Hash these things out with yourself. Write to think. And do it often. Slowing down every day to write is a worthwhile ambition. It’s simple but not easy.

The prolific author Ryan Holiday describes this process beautifully. He believes that “this is what the best journals look like. They aren’t for the reader. They are for the writer. To slow the mind down. To wage peace with oneself.” What a wonderful idea it is to “wage peace” instead of chasing the busy preoccupation that normally fills our daily lives.

Your thoughts will become clearer as you slow down your mind to write. You will refine your thinking. And ultimately, you will know who you want to be, and that will tell you which direction to head.

For most people, controlled creativity at work doesn’t seem to cut it. You also need creative projects outside of your career. Projects where you are the architect, and you set the direction. This form of creativity will better align with your priorities and values. Aligned creativity will help you find the lost version of yourself.

Steve Jobs said, “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” This aligned creativity comes from working on projects you’re passionate about, not just those dictated by external forces like clients or employers. So, what is it that you love to do? If you were in charge, where would you focus your time and effort? If money wasn’t an issue, how would you spend your time? Start doing those things now. Always be creating. Develop projects around your priorities and passions where you are in the driver's seat. Doing so will engage your whole self: head, hands, heart, and soul. Spend more time creating this way and you’ll find yourself working on the “right” problems.

The previous three ideas are fundamental to engineering yourself first. When you change your primary focus to building your life and becoming the person you want to be, you’ll wake up every morning excited about the day ahead. You’ll close the gap between the life you live and the life you want. And you’ll feel less busy because you’ll be getting more of what you want done.
Remember, you are personally responsible for the life you live. You require your full-time effort. And you are in charge.

So, get started. ■